I was thinking about it, and I realized I used to work in Dobb’s Ferry, NY.  Okay, now you’re thinking, Cecily, why does that matter to me.  You just gave me a single strand of information, thefuckamIsposedtuhdowiththat?  Well, let me amend that.  I used to work in Dobb’s Ferry, NY, while living an hour and a half away by bus (Bronx, NY) and I had another job to top it off.  

I wasn’t a single mother with two and a half kids, I was seventeen, and possibly crazy.  

I slept very little that summer.

by Joao Henrique Brandao

http://www.bluecanvas.com/joaohenriquebrandao/

I modeled for this at the Student League of New York.

Ain’t humanity one big beautiful heaping, hunk of mold?

Yup, I’m a fail whale.  Heh.

Alas, I am going to go to bed and try to remember my dreams and record them, and try to live them and get to the core of me.  Oh yeah, and get some rest. I want to lucid dream.  I am not looking for meaning, I have this strange notion…  It’s like this strange inexplainable idea that dreams are more than symbolism.
All the symbolism is just sublime and hard to break down, but sometimes I look back and understand why I dreamt a certain dream.  They are like system checks, as a friend put it.  ”Its a way of seeing the world from a more receptive point of view… and in all messages, they’re decoded somehow.”

I feel dreaming to be spiritual. A biological factor that we need.

I’ve been doing a lot of research on sublimity too.

I just wanna chase a moth, maybe, but if I open the right can of worms, who knows what type of enlightenment I could find, or what experiences or understandings I could have.

Alas, I am going to go to bed and try to remember my dreams and record them, and try to live them and get to the core of me.  Oh yeah, and get some rest. I want to lucid dream.  I am not looking for meaning, I have this strange notion…  It’s like this strange inexplainable idea that dreams are more than symbolism.
All the symbolism is just sublime and hard to break down, but sometimes I look back and understand why I dreamt a certain dream.  They are like system checks, as a friend put it.  ”Its a way of seeing the world from a more receptive point of view… and in all messages, they’re decoded somehow.”

I feel dreaming to be spiritual. A biological factor that we need.

I’ve been doing a lot of research on sublimity too.

I just wanna chase a moth, maybe, but if I open the right can of worms, who knows what type of enlightenment I could find, or what experiences or understandings I could have.

I don’t typically think about my ex anymore if I don’t have to, but I have been remembering my dreams more so lately now that I have shifted my lifestyle and paradigm so that I can rightly say I that I am on the path to genuine contentedness.  Dreams are important, this is with out a doubt.  DMT is just as key to survival as any other biological factor and I am now recording them in a (private) dream journal to see where my intimacy with them will guide me.

Anyhow, to the point.  Teeth.  This was a common theme in my ex’s dreams.  Teeth: his would fall out in them from time to time.

Now what on earth is this supposed to mean.  For all I know the answer is unearthly, but, teeth are vital.

When one loses teeth they lose quite a bit of power.  They lose the ability to eat a majority of food- unless pureed , speak as coherently, and smile as proudly (for most).  I’m missing a lot of points here, as I am no toof-expert, but teeth matter, right?

So what was it, then?  Power struggle?  Did he think me a tyrant?

If so, what a shame.  I am but a speck a dust in time, and I know that…

I’ve only power over me.  I feel for him, for he did have issues about power, and to chase such a notion for a life time is quite an anathema.

Hopefully the dear who I wrote this too doesn’t take this as a signification that I meant it for here, but this is an adequate description of my job at Hunter College.

They call people who assist office managers at Hunter College (my school and place of occupation) and are still in college, “college assistants”.  What it implies is minimal productivity and optimal sitting on ass.  My day usually consists of the occasional voice mails that need recording; or the phone ringing three times a day, at most; there’s also the sorting and redistribution of mail… oh and processing business orders.  WHOOT.  Let me not forget the periodical alphabetizing and shredding of obsolete/personal documentation.  
I recently got banned from using the printer.  :)  I used a lot of paper to print out stuff to study from online.  HAR.
Any how…
I am currently eating a Souper Meal!!!!!! from Nissan, with PREMIUM STRAIGHT-CUT NOODLES and “flavor enhancing sauce”.  Mmmm! Mmm, nyom!
Thank you Nissan, for providing SOOOOO much for a dollar.  That and 2960 mg of sodium.  Fucking A.

piercing my own ear… is that so bad?!