March 2010
9 posts
“Take me back — up the hill — to my grave. But first: Wait! One more...”
– Our Town
Flash Memory
I was thinking about it, and I realized I used to work in Dobb’s Ferry, NY. Okay, now you’re thinking, Cecily, why does that matter to me. You just gave me a single strand of information, thefuckamIsposedtuhdowiththat? Well, let me amend that. I used to work in Dobb’s Ferry, NY, while living an hour and a half away by bus (Bronx, NY) and I had another job to top it off.
I...
Mold
Ain’t humanity one big beautiful heaping, hunk of mold?
Lucidity
Alas, I am going to go to bed and try to remember my dreams and record them, and try to live them and get to the core of me. Oh yeah, and get some rest. I want to lucid dream. I am not looking for meaning, I have this strange notion… It’s like this strange inexplainable idea that dreams are more than symbolism. All the symbolism is just sublime and hard to break down, but sometimes...
Alas, I am going to go to bed and try to remember my dreams and record them, and try to live them and get to the core of me. Oh yeah, and get some rest. I want to lucid dream. I am not looking for meaning, I have this strange notion… It’s like this strange inexplainable idea that dreams are more than symbolism. All the symbolism is just sublime and hard to break down, but sometimes...
The Anathema That is Power Struggle
I don’t typically think about my ex anymore if I don’t have to, but I have been remembering my dreams more so lately now that I have shifted my lifestyle and paradigm so that I can rightly say I that I am on the path to genuine contentedness. Dreams are important, this is with out a doubt. DMT is just as key to survival as any other biological factor and I am now recording them in a...
Mi Trabajo: aburrido (ahhhhhhh, burrito!)
Hopefully the dear who I wrote this too doesn’t take this as a signification that I meant it for here, but this is an adequate description of my job at Hunter College.
They call people who assist office managers at Hunter College (my school and place of occupation) and are still in college, “college assistants”. What it implies is minimal productivity and optimal sitting on...
February 2010
14 posts
I feel like
piercing my own ear… is that so bad?!
Who needs a unifying theme anyway?: Wah. →
monkeyfrog:
…
I know you weren’t talking to me, but I will bite here. I’m sure it’s a drag to have people from other countries constantly nipping at your heels. I’m sure it seems rude. But for the rest of the planet, America something quite different to the place in which you live. It is the…
Exactimundo, sir. He hit it on the head!
I think it is a shame that social networking sites...
I think it is more of a shame that a fraction of people are conscious of that.
So it Goes
Everything WILL be fine… eventually. And then the pendulum will swing back down.
So it goes…
“Why do we argue? Life’s so fragile, a successful virus clinging to a speck...”
– Alan Moore
Reality
You almost wish that the beginning, beautified by the brilliance produced from bliss, was jarred—or maybe it was, and that’s why it decomposed and shriveled up into itself. That’s what happens to the virginal, no?
… And then I realize that, maybe I don’t miss him as much as I think I do. I know that amongst the pleasant memories I have of him, that I miss the secure warmth of a body...
6 tags
Bundle o' Nerves
You, your joys, your sorrows, your memories and your ambitions; your sense of personal identity and free will are, in fact, no more than the behavior of a vast assembly of nerve cells and their associated molecules
-Francis Crick, Nobel Laureate, 1962
I have to accredit Kissmehardy (http://kissmehardy.tumblr.com/) for the title.
January 2010
5 posts
My Shit Smells Pretty Edible
Here I am, innocently squatting over a toilet as I prepare to let loose toxins from a few days ago, and next thing I know, an older college student with a son in the first grade enter the side stall. Okay, and the beat goes on, I’m not doing a butt clench for anyone, because I am just a sociopath, y’know!
So I proceed. I imagine, due to blatant clues in their conversation, as I let...
Who in the F#@k? →
This is my roommate’s artwork. His skill is versatile and the pieces are indisputably engaging. The love and precision behind his work emphasize that there can never be enough excess!
NesQuik
My ex came over with the rest of my stuff. I thought it would make not thinking about him possible. The sly bastard- I mean that in the most introverted loving way… left a torturous industrial sized container of NesQuik.
“I don’t drink that anymore.” He said, kindly, as if it were of some vindication to me that the man I once loved irrationally- if that is tangible...
Today
When I model, I blank out in some form. Sometimes I bullshit the lyrics of countless songs in my head to get through some of the muscle tension I experience. Sometimes I just blank out completely, as I stare off into my designated spot. Today, I promise myself I am going to blank out until I can’t even see all in my line of vision. I am going to chill in my shell until the time marker...
Resolution
My New Year’s Resolution is to accept when I produce imperfection and move on. Instead of being a big blubbering pussy about it.
December 2009
2 posts
So I Model
Butt ass naked. I am a nude model for The Art Students League of New York . I get paid $12 (relatively untaxed) an hour. I’ll be doing that 9 hours a week. As well as doing something on the other end of the spectrum, but just as productive— I’ve been working at Hunter College’s IT office for over a year now, and that’s 20 hours a week. Finally, I will be able to...
8 tags
November 2009
5 posts
Cool, I Guess.
Fun Fact: Those assholes who decide what the MLA standards should be are starting to claim that underlining titles is obsolete, because it is based on the format of a typewriter. Cool, shit huh?
Fuck
I hate that I notice his activity on social networking sites. Deep emotion can move you to behave unlike yourself: I pay more attention to the website he used to seldom use. I hate that I notice the attention he stopped giving me being is being bestowed upon another woman. I remember when he was a thoughtful and sensitive guy. I remember when we revolved around each other. I hate that I had a...
Afterthought
After he left me hanging by a heart string, as I dangled like a prisoner in a cold, damp, grey dungeon, I thought of life, love and me. Wrapped in my series of ricocheting thoughts, the chain finally snapped, and I emerged a bit more unaware. My skin, baby soft; my footsteps, more delicate and fragile; my thoughts so deep, yet so hollow. My heart was flickering from channel to channel....
It's like... The generic after-breakup-rant
Well, it’s like… I don’t wanna see your fucking face right now. As much as me and that face used to be on good terms our cease of unification has, I dunno, been a bit of a shocker. Oh, no, but thanks, shit is fine and dandy now, but still… I want to see nothing of your face! I see it enough, as I really can’t just delete you off of the social networking sites that...
October 2009
10 posts
Whoops
My eyes find there way to him. He’s in my peripheral. It feels accidental, yet harmonious. There is nothing offbeat about this strange gravitation. It’s slow, but sweeping and when it passes, it’ll pass.
You Are What You Eat
I deserve the best. I deserve the damned best. There needs to be something close to an equilibrium.
My willingness to listen and communicate deserves the same gesture. Don’t you dare call me perfect. You’re delusional. I am proudly asymmetrical and am mutating right before your eyes.
That’s right. Me too. Don’t compute me, computer. Beauty is in the eye of the...
The Lines of My Earth, By Sixpence None the...
On Why I Guffaw When My History Teacher Pulled My...
“My libertarian views, as well as my strong stance against war, the military industrial complex and American imperialism, seem not to be tolerated by Democratic Party elites who are out of touch with the average American; elites that reject the empowerment of American citizens I offered to the Democratic Party at the beginning of this presidential campaign with the National Initiative for...
I Was a Landscape In Your Dream, By: Of...
I give no farks
kissmehardy:
Think you don’t care? I am the alpha nad the omega of not care. I stepped on Care Cat. I am infused with WIN and epic not care and bacon. You post about your uncaringness on the internet, I spent $90k on a billboard overlooking I-95 to tell other people about how much I don’t care about things and stuff. Post another thread, I dare you- I bought up all the one by one pixels on a “BUY...
Amore, By: Ryuichi Sakamoto
The bass, a heavy and...
This song is called Gymnopedies No. 3 and was...
Subject
Animals instinctually live for themselves. Humans mean to. Staring at my hamster that one could debate is caged, I felt a pang in my stomach called greed. Was this confinement an exploitation of her life? Life: the greatest and most natural freedom. All life is beautiful and all living contain an ever-developing curiosity. Humans bring forth another element, a mutation, which is a deeper...
September 2009
4 posts
Subject
Learning how to live for myself has taught me how to live for others appropriately. This is to my teacher, earth, who has provided me with everything I needed to learn.
Staring at the hamsters that one could debate are caged, I felt greedy. Was there confinement exploitation of their lives? Animals instinctively live their lives for themselves. Life: the greatest and most natural freedom....
Dear people without uteri*
clapifyoulikeme:
*I put it that way because even “male-bodied” doesn’t cover it: I just learned that some intersexed “boys” don’t find out about their insides until they hit puberty and start menstruating—through their penises. I recommend not thinking about it too much.
Anyway. So, here’s the thing. You know how we women bitch about our periods? This is one reason why:
I was just woken up by...
'Nough 'Bout Me
I’m kind of tired about talking about myself, although, I do feel it necessary and sometimes inevitable for introductary means.
Bushwick. I live in Bushwick, now. I’m still in the process of getting to know Bushwick. Like Harlem, it is dangerously close to the city, but the part of Bushwick that I live in is not yet heavily gentrified, but still a few hip-shits have been slipping...
Tumbleweed
I’m a ball, according to my roommates. I think it’s just ‘cause I am a corky, culturally ambiguous person who refuses social boundaries. As a tumble weed, there is no consistency and the collective is not clear unless you take a step back and realize that the blurry shapes do form something tangible. I’m not a Monet though, so please don’t stare for long periods of...
August 2009
1 post
The Beginning
Liberating me from myself. I needed to get out of the box that was my life and start living on my own already. Couldn’t live with my mother due to prolific mold that goes on not mediated. Living with my boyfriend was what it should have been at the ripe age of 19.
I have solidified that I live in Brooklyn by finding roommates there. My progress is very much so in limbo as I wait for...