When I model, I blank out in some form. Sometimes I bullshit the lyrics of countless songs in my head to get through some of the muscle tension I experience. Sometimes I just blank out completely, as I stare off into my designated spot. Today, I promise myself I am going to blank out until I can’t even see all in my line of vision. I am going to chill in my shell until the time marker hits. Then I am going to do it again on the train. Then I am going to do it again, as I knit tonight. Then I am going to turn back on and turn my piano on and try to talk to it again; the way I used to when I wasn’t so busy avoiding myself.